It's my senior year and I wouldn't be surprised if this is the year I die.

TW: Victim blaming

**also I apologize this is super disorganized....as you can tell I'm pretty pissed off. (:

[ Welcome to UWEC! You’re really important to us, but only your money (and if you’re a person of colour, then we want your face!) You won’t be protected here, but you can feel free to meet with our administration about anything, because we’ll be sure to victim blame you about anything that happens on this campus because THAT’S NOT OUR PROBLEM! You’re in charge of your own safety! While you're at it (being intellectual human beings and learning from our colonized education system!), grow thicker skin because your opinion really does matter to us, but only if it’s our opinion! ]

UWEC: You cannot afford to not be intersectional.

I admit, I focus a lot of my activism on race. I focus a lot on it because it’s the topic that will get identified POC males talking and paying attention because it effects them directly.

I have not begun to talk about the activisms of sex, gender, sexuality, until recently and to be honest, I’m quite ashamed of it. I have identified myself numerous times as a Hmong woman, but that woman part of me has never quite entered my own activism until recently.

Intersectionality is what activists must work on constantly. And it is not easy. It is so fucking difficult sometimes that I feel like I’d be better off if I just brush it off and just think about one thing. Race. Sex. Socioeconomic status.

But that is an injustice to everything and everyone I stand for. By not amplifying the voices of those of marginalized identities that I myself do not identify with, I am therefore part of the problem. I become the oppressor.

And speaking of oppressors, I bring this back to something I am not looking forward to. School. In particular this blog post is to hold accountable UWEC for its future actions.

Primary Trigger Warning: remnants and repercussions of of sexual harassment, mentions of sexual assault and rape.

Secondary Trigger Warning: getting your feelings hurt because a bi woman of colour calls you out on it is not oppression. srry yt boiz

I am terrified to go back to school this semester, based upon how this past semester played out. The violence that incurred in classrooms and on campus areas was something that traumatized me. It was the blatant white supremacy and misogyny this past semester. It was the lack of support from those I had called allies. It was the violence that the faculty and staff in administration showed in their lack of cooperation, in their invalidation, and the trauma of students that they fed/continue to feed on.

The UW-System is not built for students of marginalized identities. They speak of diversity as if it is easy, as if it is a face value. UWEC sweats diversity everytime it fucking breathes, like they are the holders of the right to it.

The trauma and the hostile environment that education systems create are epidemic.

I am fucking terrified this next semester to go back to school. It is no longer a question of ‘if’ some fucked up shit happens (and administration does nothing about it other than brushing it under the rug) but when it happens, and to whom.

This past semester, I was almost sexually assaulted outside of my dorm. I do not want to go into details because such an occurrence left me unable to be alone on campus until I moved out. I explicitly stated in my report to the Bias Incident Report Team (BIRT—an innefective team that sits and plays politics while students are actually out there doing shit). “I want this fucking campus to address that victim blaming is not fucking okay, and that demeaning women by giving them ‘compliments’ is not fucking okay and being drunk is not an excuse for this type of behavior. I would like to see this incident publicized as well in some way, shape or form, but that the public statement goes through me first to ensure accuracy.”

I received the draft a week later. But it was not from the appropriate means of obtaining the draft. It makes me think that it was never intended for me in the first place. I edited it and sent it back to my contact, who then sent it to through the channels. UWEC has a knack of not including students into conversations that involve students. It’s almost like they lack transparency and are trying to hide something. The original version, my edit, and the final version is below.

Someone picked up the case, and I identified one of the males who had come up afterwards and apologized on behalf of his friends. My ‘investigator’ I guess I’ll call her, did not follow up with me after that. I emailed her after I got back from Vietnam and summer training, and she said this (attached).

I know this ‘Cooper’ guy that I identified was not one of the perpetrators of my case but rather a bystander, hence why the information that she gave me about the unlikeliness that he was hanging out with these people consuming alcohol is absolute bullshit. The information was actually traumatizing because of the fact that if he had been the one who had tried to sexually assault me…my case would have been my word against an RA’s. She has not done any follow up with the actual male I identified. I don’t give a fuck if he’s a good student, because that’s how Brock Turner got away. That’s how so many of these fucking white boys get away, because it’ll impede their education or their college experience or have a lasting impact on them. Well this has had a lasting impact on me.

I cannot get myself to go back onto that campus after this. I will not be protected by the university if anything happens to me. But I have to because I need to graduate. I need to because I have no other choice. I need to because if it isn’t me, then who?

The injustice that the students before me have faced, that I have faced, and those who will face it…I am scared. My situation could have been much worse and when it happens again…I know this university will do nothing about it.

It is my senior year. I have been here for 3 years, and I’m here for another 1 and a half. This university has destroyed me and the only people who have given me validation are the ones who see through this university’s brand bullshit.  I’ve seen people leave this place whether by graduation or just the hostility that the university has towards people who challenge the system, who demand basic rights—demanding safety.

It is my senior year, and this university is in worse condition than when I came in. It has become so much more hostile because white Christian males think that they are being oppressed (I have had two+ people tell me this on more than one occasion in my profession on campus). Equality feels like oppression when you’re so used to privilege.

It is my senior year, and I feel like I’m going to die here. And if I do, all the people who have ever done me wrong on this campus better prepare themselves.

It is my senior year. And I am scared to leave this university in worse condition than I have found it. I am scared for the incoming freshman who will be victims of sexual harassment, assault, and rape during the first few weeks of school, but also throughout the semester on this campus. I am scared for my counterparts, who I know are enveloped in a cocoon of depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. I cannot bear to lose the people who give me purpose, who light my fire.

It is my senior year, and my heart is about to burst from anger.

It is my senior year and I’m here to haunt the existence of the administration even after I leave. I want my words and my presence to breathe on their necks long after I am gone.

It is my senior year.

See you soon, UWEC.