I protested in my undergrad. I quit my job
in my undergrad because they did not align with my morals, nor did they even
match up to the tokenizing University standard on diversity that I had to use
in order to bargain with them. My last day of work, I told them that it was the
most toxic environment I had ever been in and I had tried to do all I can to
make it better but I had no more strength to do it. I fought with university administration
and I yelled at professors for their
lack of accountability to their students of marginalized identities. I made
noise. A shit ton of noise.
All of this was worth it.
Yet, the “professional” world doesn’t care about
that.
When I was applying for graduate school, I
was afraid that if they went through my employment history and called my
supervisor, that they would reveal information that indicated I “had my own
agenda” with my employment and that I was uncooperative and coercive with my
team members.
I was afraid that my grad school would call
their friends at my alma mater and ask who I was. Ask about what type of person
I was, and ask if I’d be a right fit for student affairs. (Basically if they
were afraid I’d come for their jobs. YES. I am.) Ask about my demeanor, if I’d
be compliant, what type of person I was. I was fucking terrified because I had
made a name for myself being the person who was never satisfied with what the
university was putting out in their diversity efforts. I was the person who
said that I could do their job better than them (I’m pretty sure I still can).
I don’t speak for all student
activists/protestors when I say that I was fucking terrified about how my
protests, my incompliance for the sake of students’ lives, and the stubbornness
of my agenda would make or break my future.
I began to question whether or not it was
worth it. (It was). Regardless of whether or not I got into grad school (or
even if I didn’t get that job at Kwik Trip), I knew that it was worth it, for
me. Activism does not pay for my bills and does not fill my stomach and I still
grapple with this idea everyday in making my service accessible to myself and
others.
So to the universities that want to look
good by saying “ur protests will not bar u from admissions” I want to ask you
questions:
Are you still willing to say that when the
tables are turned on you and students start protesting your inclusive efforts
or lack therof?
Are you still willing to stand by that when
a white supremacist comes to the campus?
Are you still willing to accept student
activists while simoultaneously ensuring that these student activists are
protected while they are on campus from any type of violence that may come at
them? Or will you sit idly by when they “provoke violence?”
ARE YOU WILLING TO BECOME THE SUBJECT OF A
FUCKING PROTEST IF YOU ARE NOT ACCOUNTABLE TO YOUR STUDENTS OF MARGINALIZED
IDENTITIES?
It is so easy for these universities to say
“your participation in a peaceful protest” will not negatively affect
admission.
But I ask you.
Where the fuck was this fucking statement
for Black Lives Matter? A literal call for mass murders against black folks to
stop? Where was this fucking statement for no DAPL? Where the fuck was this
statement before the whitewashing?
What is your definition of peaceful? BLM
was/is a peaceful phenomenon. Police made it violent. Oh I get it. They have to
look like, walk like, talk like, protest like, white folks.
I call bullshit.
I call bullshit, not because I don’t think
that these universities aren’t genuine in their statements, but that they are
selective in their statements of faux inclusivity. Selective with their
audience (white), selective with whose life matters (white, middle class aka
people who can afford to go to these places), and selective with the way they speak
out about national issues without “rocking the boat.”
I call bullshit.
This is the abridged version of my “journey
then to now.” A full blogpost is to come soon.
